Monsters United
by S. Snowflake
Summary: Jack Skellington wants to know if there are other monsters outside of Halloween Town. Little does he know that three new guests will answer his question and slowly drive him insane. This is a crossover with "Little Shop of Horrors," "Spongebob Squarepants," and "Lilo and Stitch," written by my sister and revised by myself out of boredom. And warning: It's cracky.
1. We've Come to See You, Jack

_**Monsters United!**_

-By Franki Lewandowski

-Edited by Laura Lewandowski

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**Author's Note/Disclaimer:** Reading back over this story always makes me laugh, even after so much time has passed since I started writing this. "Monsters" has been a crazy and non - canon "Nightmare Before Christmas" plot since its beginnings, and it, and all the characters it contains, are the property of their creators not ours. This story is meant for fun, and in no way do I or my sister mean to offend the original material or have taken its plot seriously. Enjoy this nonsensical and funny new story! - Franki Lew.

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**Chapter One: "We've Come to See You, Jack**."

The sun set behind the Spiral Hill over the Halloween Town graveyard. The Pumpkin King Jack and ragdoll Sally sat together side by side, watching the skyline beyond the hills, wondering about what existed beyond their home.

"Sally," Jack said scratching his skull. "-Have you ever wondered what was out there?"

Sally looked up, frightened. She remembered what happened last time Jack got too interested in what was beyond Halloween Town. "No." she replied. "And I don't want to know."

"But what other monsters live outside of Halloween Town?" he asked. "I mean, well, we can't be alone."

Afterwards, Jack and Sally walked home together. Though he talked and acted normal overall, Jack's head was still full of thoughts of other monsters.

* * *

The next morning, Jack opened his eyes to another set of eyes staring back down at him and the next word he heard in an inward, non- Halloween voice was: "Aloha!" before a little blue alien jumped off his head.

Jack screamed and backed away in shock. "Wh - who, who… _who_ are you?"

"Oh, don't mind us Jack. It's you we came to see." Said a strange voice behind him.

Jack turned and saw a big, pink worm that was lying on his floor. "Get away from me!" he shouted bashing against a mantle, knocking down a few knickknacks and a potted plant.

"Ow! Do you mind ya big stick man?" a deep voice boomed.

"Oh!" Jack said turning to perhaps the strangest sight yet. He had broken the pot of a large fly trap plant that he had never seen before… and it was the one who was talking in that deep voice!

"Well, help me up Bone Boy!" the plant shouted.

At last Jack couldn't take this confusion any longer and yelled: "Who are all of you, and what are you doing in my house?!"

"Hey Jack, we're not here to hurt you, we're simply here to see you." The worm said trying to calm Jack.

"Me?" Jack asked confused.

"Yes, and my name is the **ALASKAN BULL WORM!"** said the worm as unusually large bold font followed its words.

"That's an odd special effect..." Jack mumbled to himself.

"And this is Stitch." the Alaskan Bull Worm pointed to the blue koala-like alien sitting on the floor. "The first and only."

"-Thank God." muttered the plant with a chuckle.

" Oh yeah?" Stitch said defensively. "Well you have a girl's name!"

"I do not! You no good little..." the plant started as Stitch jumped away from its gaping jaws.

"Well, what is your name?" Jack asked suddenly curious.

The plant grinned and answered: "Audrey Two."

"That is kind of a girl's name." Jack said, both he and Stitch giggling.

"Shut up..." Audrey II grumbled defeated.

"Well, this has all been wonderful, but what are you all doing here?" Jack asked his senses returning to him.

"We're your fans, Jack." said the Alaskan Bull Worm. "-And besides, you asked for us to come."

"No I didn't." Jack replied. "I said that I wanted to know if there were other monsters outside of Halloween Town, and now I know. Now go away, you all can't stay here!"

"Oh." the Alaskan Bull Worm said with a sad face. "I guess that we should just... get... goooooiiingaaawww!!" the worm cried pathetically.

"Listen you, I have no legs!" Audrey II shouted. "And you know how hard it is for a plant to catch a cab!"

"Yeah, and I had to slither all the way here!" the Alaskan Bull Worm blubbered.

Jack looked down at Stitch who said with a shrug: "Stitch just flew here."

"Well, all right." Jack answered feeling sorry for these monsters. "But please don't disturb anything around Halloween Town while you all stay."

"Can do." Stitch remarked.

So Jack, even though he still felt unsure about the new guests, was at least going to be a good host and let the characters explore his home... much to his own expense.

"Ooh! This is pretty." said Stitch pointing to a glass statue of a jack-o-lantern which broke the second his claw touched it. "Oops."

"Nice going." the Alaskan Bull Worm said.

"What's that sound?" Jack asked hearing the crash of glass and an odd rumbling sound. "It sounds like a very hungry monster."

"It's three." corrected the Alaskan Bull Worm.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have any spare food for you."said Jack.

"Jack have these!" Stitch smiled greedily pulling a tray of stale Halloween candy off Jack's coffee table. "These candies!"

"I wouldn't eat those if I were you." Jack warned. "They'll make you hyper and giddy."

"I'm used to it." Stitch replied before he poured half the tray-full in his mouth.

"Can I eat this?" asked the Alaskan Bull Worm pointing his tail at a picture inside a frame on a shelf.

"No you cannot! That's my favorite picture of Sally." Jack answered snatching the picture away and clutching it against his chest.

"Who's Sally?" asked Stitch.

"She's my sweetheart." Jack replied

"Ohhh!" the three monsters said in astonishment.

"Yeah." Jack said chuckling. "Personally, I think that she looks skinnier in this photo than she is now."

"Good morning, Jack!" greeted Sally who had just walked in the room.

"Oh!" Jack said hoping that she hadn't heard his remark. "Hello Sally."

"Um, who and what are these creatures?" Sally asked noticing the three guests.

"Well that little blue creature is named Stitch, the pink worm is an Alaskan Bull Worm, and that plant over there is called Audrey Two." Jack introduced.

"Oh, that's... uh, nice." Sally replied unsure of these characters then remembered what she had came to Jack's house for. "Jack, have you seen my right hand? I think I left it here yesterday." she said holding up a stub of a wrist with no hand attached.

"-Right here." said Jack as he pulled a hand struggling to move on its own out of a vase. "The right hand is always the troublesome one."

"True, true." said Sally taking out her needle and sewing the hand back into place. "It's nice living in a world where nobody has any flesh or blood to lose."

"Aaaauugggghh!" Audrey II screamed making everyone jump.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"That's what I eat! Blood!" Audrey II yelled flailing its vines in the air. "I need some food! Feed me, Jacko!"

"I don't have any blood on me, but I'm sure the vampires or the witches may have some for their reasons." said Jack.

"So go get it!" the Audrey II begged.

"You remind me of someone." said Sally. "A horrible monster named Oogie Boogie. He was violent, cruel, and did terrible things, but worst of all he ate people alive." Sally shuddered. "I could've been his Christmas dinner."

"Sally, I wouldn't ever let that happen to you." Jack said putting a skeleton hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Jack." she said smiling sweetly.

"Aw, isn't that sweet?" asked the Alaskan Bull Worm.

"Eew! Etchiba!" Stitch said in his own native language.

"You said it." Audrey II replied understand Stitchs' alien tongue. "You'll never catch me falling over some girl."

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**Here are some last disclaimers and information that we thought would be good to throw in: Jack and Sally are from Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas", Stitch is from Disney's "Lilo and Stitch", The Alaskan Bull Worm is a minor character from "Spongebob Squarepants", and Audrey II is from "Little Shop of Horrors". If you have any questions or comments regarding the characters or this crazy story, feel free to PM!**


	2. They Keep Following Me!

_**Monsters United!**_

Chapter Two: "They Keep Following Me!"

As the day went on, Jack continued to show his new company around Halloween Town. "This is pretty!" said Stitch touching the serpent fountain in Halloween Town Square; which, like the vase had at Jack's house, broke instantly.

The Alaskan Bull Worm groaned..

"Hello, Jack." said the Undersea Girl, (a "Creature from the Black Lagoon" type monster but feminine). She glanced at the new trio. "Who are your friends?"

_"-They-keep-following-me!"_ Jack said between gritted teeth, then he fake-coughed and introduced them to her. "This is Stitch, Audrey Two, and **THE ALASKAN BULL WORM**."

"**ALASKAN BULLWORM?**" she asked repeating the magic cartoon font before her eyes closed half-way and she puckered her lips. "He's cute."

The Alaskan Bull Worm cried out before Undersea Girl dragged him into the fountain and started kissing him all over.

"So, **THE ALASKAN BULL WORM** is a sea creature?" Jack asked bewildered.

"-Duh."Stitch remarked.

Next, the threesome of Stitch, Audrey II, and Jack headed over to the Town Hall and into the storage room looking for scaring supplies. It was a massive room filled with boxes and oddities overflowing from their sides and the shelves.

"This is our storage room for all of Halloween Town." Jack explained rummaging through things. "Anything we don't want or save just in case we might need it is thrown in here."

There were several boxes in the far left corner populated by a collection of evil Christmas toys leftover from Jack's last venture. Stitch saw a yellow toy duck with its head turned away and for a moment thought of the ugly duckling in his storybook back in Kauai, but then it whipped its head to face him growling: "Quack, quaaack! What are you looking at?" Discouraged, Stitch next found a wreath and placed it atop his head like a crown and jumped around.

"You may not want to do that." Jack started waving his arms as the wreath began to move.

"Why?" asked Stitch before a vine extended from the wreath, wrapping around Stitch and holding him above its circular opening which was revealed to actually be a mouth with very sharp teeth and above which sat cat-like yellow-green eyes. Stitch fought back as he was lowered inside, giving the monster wreath a good kick in the teeth and forcing it to let go with something of a screech.

"Ah, well let me introduce you to the man eating wreath." Jack said as Stitch climbed on top of his skull for protection.

"Close one!" Stitch commented. "Eguba Audrey Two?" he asked, which meant: "Right, Audrey Two?"

Audrey II didn't answer at first, but stared pod agape at the wreath as it returned to its seemingly harmless Christmas decoration act. "I think I'm in love." it said at last.

"Okay..." Jack responded not expecting that sort of reaction at all. "Who wants to see the graveyard?"

"You go on ahead without me." Audrey II replied, its menacing pod still pointed at the wreath. "I think I'll stay here and... occupy my time." Jack and Stitch both shrugged and left the storage room, leaving the two man-eating plants behind. Once they had left the room, Audrey II cleared its "throat" and spoke to the wreath. "So baby, anything you're doing after sitting in this closet all day?"

"Do I know you?" asked the wreath in a surprisingly deep, feminine voice.

"No, but you sure want to know me." Audrey II answered smiling a toothy smile.

"Oh, get a life ya big butter wart!" the wreath hissed.

"Ooh doll face, you got attitude. I like that in a girl!" he said extending a branchy vine to touch the wreath's face. She clearly didn't enjoy her company, because as soon as the tendril came close to her mouth, she bit down on it as hard as she could before ripping it clean off of Audrey II's stem.

"Aaoowwgh!" yelled Audrey II as sap bled from the wound. "-Maybe you've got a little too much attitude."

Stitch and Jack meanwhile were walking to the graveyard unaware of their cannibalistic companion's adventure. By now they had greeted nearly everyone in town and had seen most of the good haunts and spooky spots. The candies Stitch had eaten were now taking effect on his system and he was becoming quite hyperactive off of the sugar increase. "I feel happy! Don't you feel happy, Jack? Stitch is HAPPY!!" he jabbered on and on.

"I think you should lie down." Jack said.

"Ooh! I hear singing." Said Stitch pointing his ears towards the crumbling hills beyond the graveyard's boundaries. "Stitch love to sing; la, la, la, la, la, la, la…"

In fact there was a song coming over the hills. Like Stitch, it was sung: la, la, la, but it was on pitch and had a far more menacing and mischevious tone. And in Halloween Town, that song could only mean one thing.

"Oh no." Jack mouthed as Lock, Shock, and Barrel, (the town's professional trick-or-treating, prankster children) came riding inside their possessed bathtub over the nearby hill singing the nasty tune.

"Hello Jack, and, uh… thing." The child dressed as a devil named Lock said. "What is he?"

"He's a visitor named Stitch." Said Jack.

"Hmm. Glad to meet you, Stitch." Lock said with his sharp teeth grinning menacingly as he extended his hand for a shake, concealing the joy buzzer clenched inside.

"Stitch glad to meet you too." Stitch greeted shaking his hand. Amazingly the joy buzzer didn't shock him at all, it shocked Lock!

"Hey, you tricked me with my own trick!" Lock yelled recovering as his friends the witch-like Shock and skeletal Barrel laughed.

"-Watch this." Stitch muttered to Jack then cleared his throat. "Dumbies say what?"

"What?" all three trick-or-treaters asked simultaneously confused at Stitch's question.

Stitch laughed at their answer. "Na tooga eta 'dumbies'!" he mocked, which meant translated: "You really are the dumbies!"

"Hey, that's not funny!" Lock and Shock said as Barrel kept laughing with Stitch. "Quit laughing, dumbie. He's talking about us!"

"Oh." Barrel muttered stupefied.

"We shall get you yet, Stitch!" the trio declared riding off into the distance toward their tree house home. Once they had left, Jack looked at Stitch smiling a bony grin.

"Well, I'm impressed." He said. "You actually _pranked_ Lock, Shock, and Barrel! perhaps today wasn't so bad after all."


	3. It's Just One Week

_**Monsters United!**_

Chapter Three: "It's Only One Week"

Later on in the day the three visitors and Jack were reunited and had each found something to eat in town, except for Stitch. The candies that made Stitch "happy" filled him up to where he didn't have to eat. The Alaskan Bull Worm ate everything that was edible, and some things that weren't edible as well.

"The slime man pays me to eat the mold on the top of his head." The worm said. "I get a meal and money!"

"I could live here." Audrey II said slurping blood out of a goblet through a long bendy straw. "They've even got blood in decaf!"

Lock, Shock, and Barrel meanwhile were still trying to figure out a way to trick Stitch. They sat on top of the Town Hall's roof, where they watched the group from above, grinning evilly when Stitch walked beneath it. Quietly, they picked up a large pumpkin pie and held it up directly over his head. "On the count of three we drop this big thing!" Lock declared with a cackle.

"One, two… three!" they counted together before dropping the pie and waiting to hear Stitch's cries for mercy, yet strangely nothing happened.

"What's going on?" Shock asked furiously flustered.

The trio looked down over the roof ledge before hearing a cry of: "Heads up!" and the pie was thrown back at their faces.

"That's goooood pie!" Barrel said licking it off his face.

"No throwing pie on top of the Town Hall!" a whining voice yelled through a megaphone that belonged to the Mayor of Halloween Town. "Jack, your new friends are rather annoying." He said aside so that the other monsters couldn't hear.

"Yes I know they cause quite a stir, but what am I supposed to do?" Jack asked before sadly walking away by himself.

"Jack?" Sally said as she walked into the Town Square and following him deeply concerned. He sat alone behind the Town Hall until Sally came to comfort him. "Do you need anything, Jack?" she asked.

At first Jack did not respond, but then he looked up at Sally and half-smiled. "-No Sally. But, would you mind sitting by me?"

"Of course I don't mind, Jack." Sally said coming to his side.

"Oh Sally," he started. "What am I going to do? I can't put up with those three anymore."

"Don't be discouraged, you'll get through. I'm sure of it." She replied patting his back.

"But Sally, you don't know them very well." Jack said. "One is a giant worm with an eating problem, one is a homicidal flower, and the other is… I'd rather not go into it, but I still didn't ask for this."

"That's not entirely true, Jack." She answered. "You did want to know what other monsters were like."

"I wanted to _know_ them, not entertain them." Jack said. "Besides, how did they know that I said that, and how did they all get here in one night?"

"Well, why don't you ask them that?" Sally suggested. "Things will be all right, they won't be here for very long." She took his hand in her own before they both looked into each other's eyes, (or Jack's case the lack there of) and looked away again, blushing like school children with a crush, then looked back again. She looked at him; he looked at her. They both were thinking about kissing as they got closer and closer…

"Guys, you have to come help me!" said the Alaskan Bull Worm slithering behind the building. "That creepy sea lady is after me again and… I guess I was interrupting something wasn't I?" he asked noticing how close the skeleton and the ragdoll's faces were.

"Oh, that's all right." Jack lied to be courteous. "The Mayor quite often interrupts our more private moments like this."

"Will you help me?" the worm asked again. "Oh please?"

"Oh, Wormy!" cried the undersea girl from the Town Square coming around the corner. "Where are yoooou?"

Jack walked up to the fish-like woman and pointed his bony finger to the right. "He went that way." He said and the undersea girl nodded and flopped away.

"Thanks, man." Said the Alaskan Bull Worm once she had left, who was hiding behind several pumpkins.

"Uh-huh." Jack said hastily before walking away with Sally following him. The Bull worm was sure that something was wrong with Jack and he slithered back to speak with Stitch and Audrey II for a solution.

"I think that Jack's getting a little tired of our company." -Said the Alaskan Bull Worm. "Do you guys have any ideas about how to make him like us?"

"Stitch thinks… ugh! Ow…" Stitch grumbled before falling sick from food poisoning in the candies.

"How about changing our names?" the Alaskan Bull Worm suggested. "You need it with a name like Stitch."

"Stop it." Stitch said trying to defend himself despite the sickness. "Plant has weird name!" he said pointing a claw at Audrey II.

"What?" Audrey II asked angered.

"It is true." The Alaskan Bull Worm said. "I mean, come on Audrey Two. If some mailman didn't know you they'd come to your shop calling you M'am."

"I didn't pick my name!" the plant growled. "-And Worm, don' talk to me about names; every time somebody even says your name bold font comes up. And you think my name's annoying?"

"I like to think of that as a dramatic effect." The worm retaliated before they started bickering unintelligibly.

"Stop it!" Stitch intervened. "Worm eta Plant i naga soona be nice! And… oh, Stitch want chocolate."

The Alaskan Bull Worm stopped yelling at Audrey II and looked over at Stitch confused. "Okay… But really now, we've got to start treating this town with respect."

"Respect nothing!" said Audrey II. "That means bein' truthful to people, and I always lie. My geeky owner back in Skid Row believed my fake respect and do you know where he is now?"

"-Where?" Stitch asked before Audrey II burped up a pair of glasses and Stitch realized what he meant.

The Alaskan Bull Worm looked sternly at the two, but was mostly angry at Audrey II. "As I was saying, we should be nice and sweet to everyone here. After all, we are guests, and we must be kind to our hosts. Agreed?" he asked lifting his tail like a raised hand.

"Igh!" said Stitch with a raised paw.

"Whatever." Audrey II grumbled with a vine halfway in the air.


	4. You Just Humiliated Me!

_**Monsters United Part 2**_

**Chapter Four: "You Just Humiliated Me."**

So the monsters attempted to be a lot more compassionate and not to talk too much about meaningless things, (except for Audrey II who's never polite and always talks). They saw Halloween Town was not a place for a vacation, but for work on Halloween. Since the citizens had to work on their holiday, it was not a good thing to bother them… well, maybe not _all_ of them.

Stitch had developed a case of food poisoning from the candy, but that didn't stop his rivalry with Lock, Shock, and Barrel. The three trick-or-treaters were working too. They sat in their tree house, thinking about how to get back at Stitch.

"Our tricks have been too small." Lock thought aloud. "Joy buzzers, insults, pies… they're all dumb stuff! We must get serious!"

Barrel thought carefully then got an idea. "Ooh, we could.................. –I forgot."

"Well then, as I was saying…" Lock started.

"No wait!" Barrel interrupted. "I was thinking of giving him a piece of pie covered in hot sauce."

"-Hot sauce?" Lock asked with a devilish smile.

Stitch was buckled over from the candy, ready to puke when he heard some strange voices moving toward him. Sure enough, Lock, Shock, and Barrel stood there with a very friendly look on their face. "Hello Stitch." They said simultaneously.

"We got off to a bad start." Lock said. "-And we were wondering if you would like some candy." So there they stood: Lock, Shock, and Barrel standing before Stitch with a bowl full of candy just for him. It could not be true.

"Oaooow…" Stitch moaned at the thought of more candy in his system. "No thanks. Stitch think there something bad in it."

"No it doesn't! And we'll prove it to you." He turned to Shock and Barrel and glared. "Guys, eat the candy."

They stared back at him for a second. Had he forgotten what was in the candy? "But Lock, we…"

"Do what I say!" Lock commanded, and all three of them ate a few pieces of the candy. After a second or two, Lock realized the error of his decision. "H-h-hot!!!" They screamed together before running away. Stitch had won again, this time without even trying.

Jack had gone away to avoid these monsters and go on with his normal routine. He practiced his frightening stances in front of a mirror in the Town Hall, ranging his expressions from creepy to terrifying and chuckling at the thought of the poor humans who would scream like banshees at his antics.

"You seem a lot better off than before." Sally said cheerfully as she walked into the hall. For once that day, Jack looked normal.

"And you're right Sally." Jack said. "They'll only be here for a week, so I can get a different look on things as long as it isn't forever. Yes, I feel very optimistic now that I can change my attitude."

Just then Stitch crawled along the ceiling and fell down on Jack's feet. Feeling rather sickly, and after recovering from the fall, he couldn't help but throw up a little.

"First you might want to change those shoes." Sally said almost laughing.

"If you'll excuse us for a second, I need to have a word with you Stitch." Jack said trying to keep from having an outburst as he dragged him backstage and behind the curtain and wiped off his shoes. "You just humiliated me, and in front of Sally too!"

"It's not my fault I'm sick!" Stitch argued.

"Well, you chose to eat all those candies didn't you?" Jack retorted sternly.

"Oh, yeah."

Jack regretted how harsh he had reacted seeing the little alien's ears flop and his smile change to a frown. "Look, it's not that I don't like you being around, it's just that I need to get work done here, so please, just uh… carry something with you like a bowl if that happens again. In fact, just stay at my house and make yourself comfortable. I have bowls in the second cupboard to the left."

"Second cupboard to left, Stitch got it!" Stitch said and walked up the walls with confidence.

Jack watched him leave with worry. "I'm giving that trouble maker permission to look around my house unattended… what have I done?" Jack emerged from the Town Hall and into the fading daylight the sunset brought. Some of his most trusted monsters were clearing out the storage room, and the chest of evil presents sat out in the open in Town Square. A huge snake the length of a garden hose was coiled around the scary teddy bear and the man eating wreath. And that wreath was something Audrey II just couldn't resist.

"Hey you Worm, stop here!" the plant ordered being pulled along in its pot by the Alaskan Bull Worm through the square.

"No way!" the Alaskan Bull Worm said pulling the huge plant with all its might. "I'm not stopping now, I'm going back to Jack's house."

"I said STOP!" Audrey II yelled.

"We're stopping, we're stopping!" the Worm yelped from that one demand, hoping that Audrey II wouldn't kill him.

"Hello, gorgeous." Audrey II said smoothly to the wreath. "-Remember me?"

The scary teddy bear came to life and looked over at the wreath. "Who is that?" it asked.

"I don't know, I think his name's Shirley Four or something." The wreath grumbled back.

"Why do you like that thing?" The Alaskan Bull Worm whispered to Audrey II. "She's rude, evil, and she bit off your vine!"

"Yeah, she must dig me!" said Audrey II brimming with confidence.

The wreath had finally acknowledged their presence. "You again?" she threatened Audrey II. "Do you want another vine bitten off? And by the way, _fly trap_, my teeth get sharper every day."

"Quick, turn this pot around and make me look good!" Audrey II muttered.

"How about this, I help you look good for this girl, and then I don't have to keep pulling you." The worm offered.

"How about this, make me look good for this girl and I won't **bite your head off**_!"_

The Alaskan Bull Worm shrunk back down, being spineless and all. "Well, that works too." So the worm pulled on the huge flower pot to catch Audrey II's "good side", the side that would impress the wreath. Unfortunately the wreath had no interest in any side of the plant. Then suddenly something broke up the whole thing:

"Oh Wormy Pie!" Called the voice of the Undersea Gal. "I'm heeere!"

"AAah!" The Worm shrieked at the top of its "lungs" before slithering away and leaving the plant alone in the street.

_"He's so good with the ladies…"_ thought Audrey II.

***

That night at Jack's house, everyone was restless. Since the monsters had no place to go they were staying with Jack, which of course brought utter havoc. It was actually a quiet evening until the bull worm fell asleep. His snoring was so loud that he may have scared himself is he had woken up. Unfortunately, he was sharing a room with Stitch and Audrey II, who both found it difficult to sleep with his thunderous snoring.

"Can't you just eat him?" Stitch asked Audrey II.

"I don't usually eat worm blood, but I'm getting awful tempted now." The plant grumbled.

Stitch suddenly remembered something his friend Lilo had told him. _"Ignore the snore! Just pretend that you have ear plugs."_ She would say. Stitch did try pretending he had earplugs, and for a little while that worked, but just as he closed his eyes Audrey II fell asleep, and that plant's snoring was just as loud, (if not louder) than the worm's.

_'How is that possible? Plants don't have lungs.'_ Stitch thought before he crawled up the walls all the way up to Jack's tower as he slept. "Um, Jack?" he asked as the skeleton read a book calmly in bed. "Stitch don't want to be intruding, but can Stitch stay with you?"

"Well, okay." Jack answered after giving it a good thought.

Jack's ghost dog Zero was asleep inside his little basket in the corner, and after a short while, the room filled with the sound of his snoring too. 'Ghosts are pretty loud.' Stitch thought, trying to tune it out_. 'Ignore the snore. Ignore the snore. Ignore the snore!' _

Jack turned off his bedroom light and fell asleep almost at once. Stitch was not too happy to discover that the Pumpkin King snored as well. With a slight growl, he got up and climbed down the tower walls again, travelling through some of the houses' corridors. He did not want to be alone at night because he was afraid of the dark unless there was somebody else with him, and the only person left in the house was Sally downstairs.

"Uh, could Stitch stay here?" Stitch asked Sally when he arrived in her room.

"Oh, sure little fella." She said warmly as she turned out the light.

At last, Stitch curled up into a ball and started to snooze. He was just about to find Slumber land when Sally fell asleep, and, (wouldn't you know it) she snored.

"I can't win." Stitch whined and flopped to the floor trying to follow Lilo's advice again. He then thought of something else, as he looked out the room window. "Stitch miss Lilo." He said.


	5. The Daddy of All Pranks

_Author's note: Hey guys! So sorry for the long wait for this, (for the people who are reading this one, which is like two people?). I've been having some laptop trouble and have been rather distracted lately. Praise heaven above for February vacation!_ _Feel free to review this cleanly cracky fanfic, me and my sis would love that!_

_-S. Snowflake and The Ghost Peacock (my sister's new penname)

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_**Monsters United!**_

**Chapter Five: "The Daddy of all Pranks"**

***

"Where's Stitch?" Jack asked, looking around the room the next day. Suddenly Stitch came in through the window. "Ah, there you are, Stitch. Where were you?"

"The roof. Stitch had to sleep there because it was too loud inside." The alien explained.

"Oh, I'm sure we could fix that." Sally said.

'_Oh no you couldn't.'_ Stitch thought, but didn't say. "Stitch don't have food poisoning anymore."

"Lucky for _you _maybe." Said the Alaskan Bull Worm. "I think I've got it now. At least that means I don't have to be around that under sea chick. She's creepy and won't leave me alone!"

"Consider yourself lucky." Audrey II grumbled. "I've tried every move with that wreath, and I've only got teeth marks in my pod and a vine bitten off."

"Well, get her a present." The worm suggested.

"Yeah, when David takes Nani on a date he gives her flowers and chocolate." Stitch added licking his lips. "Mm! Chocolate!"

"Well, those are stupid thing to get!" The plant growled. "What does a plant want with chocolate? And flowers? That's sick, man! That's like taking down one a' your own."

"Well, I'm no expert on women," The bull worm started. "-But girls like it when you notice their feelings. You just have to listen to her, try to understand her, connect to her. After that, find out what she likes and what you have in common. Women love a guy that's sensitive." It noticed the curious stares of its friends; even Zero was staring. "Err… not that I would know."

"Hm, you know what? You're right!" said Audrey II. "I'll bribe her with the thing we have in common and she'll think I'm a sensitive kind a' guy and fall in love with me!"

"That wasn't what I said, but okay." The worm said with a sigh.

***

Later that day, Lock Shock and Barrel were stewing up more of their plans inside the Town Hall. They stood, huddled in their trio, creating a new way to out-prank Stitch.

"Stitch will go down!" Lock said.

"Destroy the blue one!" Shock said fiendishly.

"Away with him!" Barrel added.

"We have been way too soft." Lock explained his plan. "-And I know the one thing that will get him for sure. The baddest of the bad, the worst of the worst, the daddy of all pranks as we know it!"

"What? What is it?" Shock and Barrel both exclaimed.

"You know how in every Tim Burton movie it seems you don't ever find a glass of milk lying around?" Lock asked.

"Um, yeah… never thought of it 'till now." Barrel replied.

"Well, I found this place where Burton keeps it all below Halloween Town." Lock continued, and then pulled out a cauldron of bubbling white milk from a cellar door beneath.

"Eew!" Said Barrel and Shock.

"-And this is the best part!" Lock said. "Do you see that table over there?" He pointed to a chest of haunted toys that had been returned to their place, and behind them a table. Precariously, a bowl of the odd white drink hung by a crude rope, and attached to the rope was a freshly made coconut cake. "When Stitch pulls the rope on the cake, the milk will spill all over him!"

"It's full proof!" The trio declared, then giggled and ran off to hide. Little did they know that something else was in the room with them, though it had hardly been listening. It was using its time rather, to think of how to impress a certain wreath.

"Hey look, it's your stalker." The Evil Duck quacked mockingly to the wreath.

"Oh great." The wreath growled, noticing the alien flytrap. "Don't you have some person you can go devour?"

"Probably, but I came here to give you somethin'." Audrey II said, and then tossed a bloody human hand to the wreath.

"Eew! -A disembodied hand? That's disgusting!" Said the Scary Teddy.

"Shut up! Am I givin' it to you or what, honey?" Audrey II asked almost sweetly.

"For me? Well, I… wait a sec, are you tryin' to trick me?" The wreath returned.

"Aw, come on." Audrey II said. "Why would I try to trick you, doll?"

"-Because you're an evil, talking cabbage that eats people and tricks them into getting your food!" The wreath snapped.

"_Dang, you're good, bebe."_ Audrey II grumbled. "I mean just… _trust me_."

Despite its clear disdain, the wreath gave into hunger at last. She ate the hand gruesomely slowly, licking her teeth with a leaf to extract the flavor of the blood. "Mm! So good!"

"Eew, that's disgusting!" Said one of the toys. "We scare people here, not eat em'."

"Well, I do eat people. So shut up!" The wreath said.

"Yeah, cram it." Audrey II blurted.

"Hey, there's no language in a Nightmare Before Christmas story! Kids watch this movie." The Scary Teddy said.

Audrey II appeared to glare at the bear. "I can say whatever I want whenever I want. You wanna' know why? -Because I don't come from here. I'm a mean green mother from outer space, fool!"

"Shut up about yourself for a second and get me some more food!" the wreath begged. "More! More! I must have moore!"

"You really want more?" Asked Audrey II.

"Yes! I'll do anything you want!"

Audrey II grinned evilly. "Come back with me and be my girl."

"-Except for that." Said the wreath. "I should a' known this was a trap. Don't think I'm gonna' fall for it."

"What's there to fall for? You'll have everything your little heart -and big appetite- desires. Come on."

"No." The wreath replied.

"Come on."

"No."

"Come on!"

"No!"

"**I-said-come-ON!" **Audrey II yelled, and then slammed one of its vines down on the table before pulling back the small rope with an unintentional tug. With a splash, milk poured down the flytrap's pod and into its open mouth, even soaking its mighty leaves with sticky, slightly sour milk.

"We got him!" Lock, Shock, and Barrel cried with joy after the milk bowl spilled. "Stitch has been out-pranked at last."

"Come on, let's go see!" Barrel said.

"No wait, I have to cherish this great moment first." Lock said, then struck a joyful and proud pose. He stood there for a long minute before Shock grew impatient.

"-You done?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." Lock replied. "What do you see, Barrel?"

"I see… hey, it's not Stitch!" Barrel exclaimed.

"What? Then who'd we catch?" Lock cried, then peeked over at the scene. "Oh, it's just Jack's plant. How in Halloween did that get there?"

"Stitch probably put it there to confuse us." Shock grumbled.

Lock growled faintly. "That little blue monster!"

"Yeah, you got Stitch!" The alien cried as it fell down from the roof to the trio. "He he ha ha ha!"

"Get 'im!" Yelled Shock. The trio leaped at Stitch, but was tripped by a vine in mid air. "What the…"

The toys laughed eerily at Audrey II. "You know, flytrap, for a minute I thought were actually a threat. But like everything else you do, it's just plain stupid for you to try." The wreath taunted.

"You no good, little…" Audrey II snarled as it raised a vine in the air.

"Th-that plant is talking! Wh-why's it talking?" Barrel stuttered in fear. "I-it shouldn't be talking!"

"Shut up! I missed the perfect opportunity to get the girl I wanted and it's **all- your- FAULT!**" The plant yelled.

"Run away!" Cried the Scary Teddy to its comrades. All of the toys fled from the box except for the man-eating wreath that seemed to be watching with slight interest.

"We're soooo sorry, Mr. Plant!" Shock pleaded. "We'll never do it again!"

"Y-yeah, we can pay you back." Lock said.

"Well, you can always feed me." The plant replied grimly.

"That's a great idea!" Barrel said, moving slightly closer to the plant. "We can give you some great stuff to eat. Let's see, um… ya' like candy, or candy apples? Yummy stuff, Mr. Plant!"

"Ooh, I got something else in mind. Hehe…" The plant answered, wrapping a vine around the skeletal-faced child.

"What are you doing?" Barrel asked, slightly afraid as the vine pulled him closer to the plant's mouth. "Um, um…guys? Somebody help!" He pleaded to his cohorts who backed away in sheer terror.

"Say kid, do you need a dentist?" Audrey II asked.

"N-no, most of my teeth are rotted away." Barrel answered, shivering in fear.

"Oh, sounds like you do then! Don't worry; I know how to get one. He's right _inside_!" Audrey II declared with a cackle and showed its ugly, jagged teeth and leafy tongue. "Hmm, I've never had a kid for dinner before. Maybe it's more tender or juicy than nerd and blonde, he ha hee ha!" Barrel struggled to break free. "Stop squirming, kid, it's **suppertime**!"

"Oowie, now that's impressive!" The wreath interjected.

"Huh? What?" Audrey II asked; half finished lowering Barrel into its pod.

"Well, I've got to say, flytrap, you sure have talent for fright. I wish I knew how to scare a kid like that." The wreath said.

"Really?" Asked Audrey II, thinking. "Well, there's more where that came from baby. Watch this! Hee hee he…"

The plant continued its terrifying torture, scaring Barrel beyond his wits. In all of his life in Halloween Town, nothing had ever scared him quite like a plant pretending to eat him, then pulling him out of its mouth and doing it again in a sick game. Once the horrible plant was finished, Barrel returned to his cohorts, trembling with fear and with skin whiter than a ghost could ever be.

"Barrel, you okay?" Shock asked.

"N-no p-p-plants…" Barrel muttered, traumatized and rocking back and forth. "N-no p-plants ever again!"

"That was amazing!" The wreath exclaimed.

"Well, I've had practice scaring people." Audrey II said modestly.

"I've got to say, Lizzie Four, you are dang impressive!"

"Well thanks, but that ain't my name. It's Audrey Two."

"Hm, that's a little bit much of a name. Mind if I just call you Twoey?" The wreath asked.

"Anytime." Audrey II answered with a smile.

"Humph! Plant never let Stitch say 'Twoey'." Stitch complained.

"Shut up kid, we're talkin'!" Audrey II said. "Speakin' of names, what's yours?"

"Oh, just call me Wreatha." The wreath said shyly.

"Wreatha, huh?" Audrey II asked, getting closer to her. "Ooh baby I like it!"

"Uh, excuse Stitch, but is there going to be anything gross going on here?" Stitch interrupted.

"Just shut up and feed me!" the two plants said simultaneously. They glanced at each other astonished before asking, "Where have you been all a' my life?"

_"Yeah, there is." _Stitch grumbled. "Blech, who needs girls?"

***

"Oh my goodness!" Jack exclaimed, noticing smoke as he walked by the town square soon after. "A house is on fire!"

"Oh, yeah…" Stitch said.

"You!" Jack nearly yelled, but kept his composure. "Well then, whose house is that?"

"My house!" The Mayor yelled, jumping out of his hearse and through the metal gate.

Jack sighed. "I suppose it can't get any worse. And like Sally said, it's only for a week.

"Yeah, about that…" Stitch said. "We have to tell you something."


	6. We're Staying, Jack!

_Author's Note: My sister and I both know that this chapter is short, but that is how it was written. (Don't get angry with me, I'm just the editor!) Please somebody leave a review. We know this story doesn't make sense, but that's not why we have it on here anyway. If you want something somewhat sensical, go look elsewhere. Sheesh!_

-S. Snowflake and Ghost Peacock

* * *

**Monsters United!**

**Chapter Six: "We're Staying, Jack!"**

*******

"Stitch, worm, and plant have made decision." Stitch said rather slowly. "Because of good hospitality and good food…"

"Oh please don't say the word food." The bull worm said, still feeling sickly.

"-So anyway, we've come to a decision." Stitch concluded. "We're staying, Jack!"

"Oh, that's great." Jack said with half a bony smile before it hit him. "Wait… what?"

"Stitch-no-leaving Halloween Town, and neither are others." Stitch answered.

"What?" Jack exclaimed. "But, no… I mean, don't you all have to get back home?"

"Naga." Stitch replied. "Stitch can bring ohana here. Ooh, Lilo just like Stitch so it's like having two Stitches around!" The alien grinned, making Jack wince at the thought of another cretin like the one he knew now.

"And I can't go back to Bikini Bottom." Said the Alaskan Bull Worm. "Besides, the Melting Man and I have formed the FSW. The Future Slimers of the World!"

"And don't expect me to go back!" Shouted Audrey II. "I get a lot more food here than I did back on Skid Row, and now that me and Wreatha are seeing eye to eye, I never wanna' leave. Just how I wanted it!"

Jack swallowed his shock and anger, and showed his false sincerity. "Well, that's great." Jack said as he backed up against a building wall away from his friends. "Please… make yourselves at home." Once he had completely escaped the trio of trouble, he buried his skull into his skeleton hands and whimpered with ghastly fervor, "No…"

***


	7. We Really Want is to Get Rid of Them

_**Monsters United!**_

**Chapter Seven: "What We Really Want is to Get Rid of Them"**

*** * ***

The following day since the last chapter, Jack held a meeting for Halloween Town to express their complaints about the monsters. However, he was having trouble keeping said monsters away from the meeting too. "Um, gentlemen," he said politely to the worm, the plant, and the blue alien followed him to the entrance of the town Hall. "We're sorry, but this is a Halloween Town citizen meeting only. Since you are still only visitors to our home, would you mind staying out here?"

"No problem, Jack." Answered the worm as he watched Jack walk through the double doors before they were shut. Once the citizens were completely indoors, the group of monsters huddled up.

"That tingle in my vines is tellin' me that something's up," said Audrey II.

"Igh. That twitch in Stitch' ears is too!" added Stitch.

"And the zatch in my intestine!" said the worm. There was a long pause after that comment and the worm said defensively, "What, haven't you ever had one of those?"

"Think it this way," started Stitch. "-We get whole town to ourselves."

"Yeah!" Agreed the other two.

"Besides, I bet they're all talking about how much they love Stitch!"

*** * ***

"Kill the blue one!" An enraged citizen cried inside the hall.

"Quiet down my good people." Jack said. "Now, let's quietly tell me what is bothering all of you."

"The blue alien blew up my house!" Cried the Mayor.

"The ALASKAN BULL WORM forgot our date!" Whimpered the Undersea gal loudly.

Shock and Lock stood up in their seat and cried out, "The plant said 'cram it' in a Nightmare Before Christmas story!"

"Why do you all have to talk at once in these meetings?" Jack asked. "Now, now, we all know why we're complaining, but what we really need is to take action. What we really want is to get rid of them."

"I'm way ahead of you, Jack." Said the Mayor. "Now all we need is a bucket of water for the blue one, some slug bait, and a really big weed hacker!"

"No Mayor." Jack said. "We need another solution besides homicide.

"End the story now!" Yelled the tall witch.

"Yeah, this is too weird for even Tim Burton anyway!" Agreed her sister.

Jack shook his head. "No, no, that leaves too many plot holes."

Suddenly Oogie Boogie appeared on the stage and spoke up menacingly, "I may have an idea Jacky!"

Jack looked over at the bag of bugs and sighed. "First Oogie's Revenge and now this? When will you die already?" He pondered over the boogieman's offer and said firmly, "No, you're not in this story!" Then, just as soon as he had appeared, Oogie Boogie vanished. _'So I could've finished him off like that all along? Ah well, climactic tension I suppose.' _Jack thought.

"Well, what are we gonna' do then?" Asked the corpse child.

"Hm, well, let's think this over again. They want to stay here because they like everything about Halloween Town. So we'll have to take that all away and show them that Halloween Town is not such a great place after all."

"That's impossible!" Interjected the skinniest vampire brother. And then he spoke in poetry prose:

"After watching these monsters it seems,

"That they'll only leave our town in your wildest dreams."

"Why are you speaking in rhyme?" Asked the smallest vampire brother.

"Why what interesting timing,

"For you to point out that I'm rhyming… Ah, mother was right about my poetry issues!" The skinny vampire shrieked.

"Well rhyming or not Jack, he does have a point." Sally said from the audience. "I mean, we don't know what these monsters truly like."

"Stitch likes coconut cake." Jack commented.

"Then we'll have to stop making it!" The Mayor said.

"Surrender our coconuts!" Someone yelled in the crowd.

"Okay, Audrey Two drinks blood." Jack mentioned.

"Then we'll get rid of our blood." Said the taller witch. "-From our stock I mean of course."

"Well, that solves two problems, but I don't know what would drive the ALASKAN BULL WORM away." Jack said.

"Oh how I love that worm." The undersea gal commented.

"Ah, I just figured it out." Jack thought aloud.

"If I may make a suggestion, why not just tell them politely to leave?" Sally said.

"Yeah, why not?" Asked the Cyclops.

"Well, I just can't do that." Jack replied. "I'm mean, I'm practically their hero. And they'd get emotional, and Audrey Two has those teeth, and they could get mad at me… and _Audrey Two has some sharp teeth_!"

"Come on Jack, toughen up!" The Mayor said. "Sometimes I think you should've just been a sumo wrestler like your mother wanted you to be."

"What?!" Jack exclaimed. "One: I barely knew my mother and when I did she certainly never asked me to be a sumo wrestler. And two: Why in Halloween would I ever be one of those?"

"It's the only thing I could ever picture you as." The Mayor said.

"Okay… Anyway, I just can't do it." Jack replied. "So, my way it is!"


	8. Come to Our Special Rehearsal

**Monsters United**!

**Chapter Eight: "Jack Wanted You to Come to Our Special Rehearsal"**

*** * ***

"Hey Audrey Two, I have a question. How do you move around?" Asked the Bull Worm to his plant acquaintance the next day.

"What?"

"Well, I just don't know. You're inside that big flowerpot all day. How can you keep following us without legs?"

The plant scoffed. "Don't question the story! All this could never happen anyway."

"What's that?" Stitch asked the other monsters.

In the spance ahead, a large eerie glow grew over the Halloween buildings. In mere minutes, the three monstrous guests found themselves in Town Square, and all of Halloween Town was there as well, holding torches. Stitch enjoyed the pumpkin lights.

"Ooh, these are pretty!" Stitch said.

"Just don't touch em'." Audrey II warned.

"Ah, if it isn't our guests of honor." said Mr. Hyde. "Jack wanted to come to our special Halloween fright rehearsal."

"How kind." The worm answered before slithering inside the Town Hall after Stitch and Audrey II.

But after a few moments inside the hall, the trio found themselves confused and caught unawares. They had entered a pitch black room from the same door, but each of them was actually inside a different chamber; unique for all three.

"Wh-where am I?" asked the bull worm all alone. Just then an odd odor filled the room. "Slug Spray! Aah!"

"Where's Stitch?" Stitch asked at the same time alone in his chamber.

Plop! Plop, splash, drip, drop. Suddenly the room began to fill up with water; Stitch' one true weakness and fear. He screamed too.

"Aw crap, where am I?" Audrey II said to itself in its chamber. "What the…" it started to say when it saw something floating toward it. To the plant's horror, the floating object revealed itself to be an old cassette of the old "Little Shop" TV series. Soon after, the plant screamed.

If the trio of monsters had not been so frightened of everything that was happening, they might have heard the small chortles of creepy laughter coming from all directions around them.

"It's working, Jack. They're being scared silly!" the Mayor whispered.

"Good, and now for the icing on the cake." The Pumpkin King answered.

An odd moment of confusion and terror occurred and suddenly the hall fell silent. The monstrous trio regained their air and looked around the room for each other.

The worm sighed. "Thank goodness that's over." It said.

Just as he had said that, a huge dark shadow engulfed them.

"Oh crud." Said the worm. "Jack, is that you, Jack?"

The shadowed figure was turned with its back toward them. Slowly it turned and revealed itself to be… _**the Burger King mascot**_!

The monsters screamed loudly at the terrifying entity that was the fast food king while the citizens of Halloween commenced laughing throughout the hallway.

"We've got you now…" Said the mascot before slowly melting into Jack Skellington. He watched his fright victims trembling before him and expected them to flee at once, but then surprisingly they began laughing.

"Oh ha-ha, Jack. That was awesome, just flippin' awesome!" Said the worm.

"NO!" Jack shouted and threw his skeleton arms in the air. "I can't take it anymore! You're all so annoying! I can't take, well… you. I'm sorry, I know you're all my fans, but I can't… I just can't live with this, okay? So please, please leave our home!"

An extremely long pause followed Jack's confession and the monsters at him quizzically. Even the town was altogether silent.

At last, the worm said, "Yeah, that's for the best. Halloween Town's kinda boring you know."


	9. Well, Back to Bikini Bottom

_Editor's Note: Thank you all for the reviews and the attention that you have given this cooky story. Here's the final chapter._

**Chapter Nine: Well, Back to Bikini Bottom**

* * *

* * *

"Once again, I really am sorry for acting so oddly." Jack Skellington said to the monsters as they stood out in the Pumpkin Patch outside of town.

"Well, frankly we would have liked it if you had told us before." Said the Alaskan Bull Worm.

Jack tried to ignore Sally grinning slyly at the worm's answer.

"I guess this is goodbye, slime guy." The worm remarked sadly.

"Just remember, I'll be right here." The melting man said, pointing his right finger to the worm's heart.

"Aw, that would be so cute if I was a little kid and you were a nice extraterrestrial in some movie." Remarked the worm. "Well, back to Bikini Bottom."

"Ikata! Look, someone's coming!" Stitch exclaimed, "And etaga a… a wreath?"

"Hey, how'd you get past the guard?" Jack asked the pair of carnivorous plants as they approached him and the other monsters.

"When the guard's name is Behemoth, I think you can get past him." Said the wreath before turning to the flytrap. "Now don't be goin' anywhere without me, Twoey."

"I'd never leave you, baby." Audrey II said and smacked its big, flytrap lips onto the wreath in a kiss of sorts.

"Blech." Stitch muttered. "Stitch feel coconut cake coming back now."

"Forget him, Twoey. When we get home to Earth, we'll celebrate by eating our way through Las Vegas!" Declared Wreatha.

"Ooh yeah, viva Las Vegas! He, he, for now…"

"Hey, Lock, Shock, and Barrel, Stitch wanted to apologize." Stitch said as the evil trio of children approached behind the plant couple. "You know, sorry for all the mean tricks."

"Aw, thanks." Lock, Shock, and Barrel said in unison before they departed in their cursed bathtub steed. As soon as they started riding away, Stitch began to laugh.

"He put a 'kick this tub' sign on our tub, didn't he?" Lock asked with a sigh and then a nonchalant chuckle.

So the worm, the blue alien, and the two man-eating plants waved goodbye and were soon off to the nearest airport to torment American Airlines until they reached home.

"Well, I learned a powerful lesson today, Sally." Jack said to his girlfriend who sat beside him.

"What is that, Jack?" She asked.

"If you're going to write a Nightmare Before Christmas story, don't make it a crossover."

**Fin.**


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